I was shocked just the other day when a friend on Facebook made a comment about how unruly the local indigenous kids were in a shopping centre; and was then surprised when their mother made a snappy, nasty reply to her judgemental comments about their behaviour, something along the lines of “keeping them in line”. She even rather politely referred to them as “our native cousins”.
And there has been further vitriol from her about the prevalence of these “native relatives” in her local area. When I knew her and socialised with her oh so many years ago, she always seemed so compassionate, non-judgemental, and tolerant – she seemed so normal.
Needless to say, I chose to remove her from my Friends list; it was nice to get back in touch with her and hear abut where her life has taken her, however I have decided long ago that I need to draw a line in the sand somewhere, and I feel that I have to let people know that I find their views offensive, and I can’t just simply excuse such behaviour away, shrug my shoulders, and say “oh well, that’s just who they are.”
So am I being compassionate, non-judgemental, and tolerant?
Probably not. But does a personal mantra of ‘tolerance’ mean I have to tolerate intolerance? I guess it does, and I’m certainly not going to bother getting into a debate with such people, or try to convince them that ‘my way is the right way’.
But I don’t need to be their friend. In fact, maybe that’s a more powerful and persuasive way of dealing with ignorance, ethnocentricity and sheer rascism. I wished my friend well, but was very clear about why I could not continue to count her as a friend.
Indeed, I know of people who have used this very same method to deal with ‘friends’ who are bullies, alcoholics, drug-addicts, and other forms of unsociable behaviours.
It may sound harsh, but sometimes getting the cold shoulder (especially from people they respect and whose opinions count) is the most effective way of bringing about significant changes. It’s the approach of “I love you, but I do not love your behaviour”.
But it also got me to wondering, at what point did we become a negative and intolerant society again? I thought we had thrown off the shackles of this kind of narcissism a few years back? And then of course, in the recent federal election we have the “stop the boats” bullshit again, where all of a sudden a few hundred asylum seekers becomes an invasion by illegal immigrants; where all of a sudden we have to be careful because cashed up foreign investors are buying up real estate in the suburbs of our biggest cities; where foreigners are buying our most fertile agricultural land to feed their own people.
All of a sudden, our cultural values are at risk. My question is: which culture is losing its values?
Have the intolerable intolerant become noisier, or have the rest of us been too quiet? I would say in the wake of the Rudd-Labor victory in 2007, those of us who can see a more positive, inclusive, and culturally-diverse society let down our guards and assumed that a government who claimed to have such a vision would do all the work.
In this we were wrong. This is not the domain of governments. The Culture Wars have no place on Capital Hill – the battlefields for such a struggle are on the streets, in our homes, and in our minds and hearts. We do not need to tolerate intolerance – let the ignorant and rude stay in their own little bubbles of hate and fear, while the rest of us walk the streets with our heads held high and our hearts open to our fellow citizens, regardless of race, creed, or colour.
Hell, maybe we should walk our own talk and actually do something constructive ourselves: give shelter to a refugee while they await their visas; help out a family in need, share our personal resources with our neighbours and friends, share in the abundance we all personally have. If we all work together in a positive manner, then we can achieve much more than any government or bureaucracy could workshop in committee.
And it all starts by telling those ‘intolerant’ friends that you can’t be their friend whilst they continue to behaviour in such a rude manner!
Given the note I just left you on an older entry: is it tolerant to create a hierarchy of “spirituality vs. religion” and to dictate that “spirituality” is “better than” this thing people call “religion”?
Like I said – that entire document is a polemic against Christianity specifically. Look at it again and you’ll see it right there – no joke.
Is it tolerance to say “all religions are cool and valid – EXCEPT Christianity”? I think not.
And ya know, I did grow up Christian, but then I left and became pagan for two decades. I’m now starting to sort of shade back towards progressive Christianity these days. And I’m seeing a lot of this senseless babble about how uncool and unenlightened and stupid “religion” is and it’s really grating on my last nerve.
Again tlh215, I thank-you for your considered contribution. Not sure anything in this particular post was regarding Christianity, but clearly your drift back to the bosom of Christ is making you see polemical anti-Christianity at every turn; this inevitably happens when we are weaned too early from that which nurtures us as infants…